1. |
Keeping You
04:42
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I don’t love him in the way I did before
I was there and I remember clearly why I closed the door
And I know it sounds like danger to your ears
But there are spaces in between “a lover” and “a stranger” here
Please excuse the mess that is my room that is my heart
I am a very keeping person
I hold onto what I hold on from the start
Photographs and magazines and notes written on old receipts
I will not let you recede from my view
I’m keeping you, I’m keeping you
It’s what I do
So you wonder if a space for you
As I hand the keys that lead into a furniture-less room
Unlock the door and give a tour, I reassure you it’s all fine
Yet skepticism’s dimming every light I shine
Please excuse the mess that is my room that is my heart
I am a very keeping person; I hold onto what I hold on from the start
Photographs and magazines and notes written on old receipts
I will not let you recede from my view
I’m keeping you, I’m keeping you
It’s what I do
Can you climb to the vaulted ceiling of your mind?
Capture a view of what was left behind?
And yet, the space continues to expand
Somewhere in there, love finds a place to land
Please excuse the mess that is my room that is my heart
I am a very keeping person
I hold onto what I hold on from the start
Photographs and magazines and notes written on old receipts
I will not let you recede from my view
I’m keeping you, I’m keeping you
It’s what I do
Please excuse the mess that is my room that is my heart
I am a very keeping person
I hold on
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2. |
Cinnamon
03:21
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Cinnamon
They said said
If you say say say
The same same word
It turns back into syllables
But I've been dreaming your name for weeks on repeat
And it still means the world to me
You are cinnamon in my throat
Every time I try to change the subject, I choke
I need a synonym to replace you
But all I can do, all I can do
Is keep-keep saying
The same-same word
And hope that It turns back into syllables
I've been dreaming your name for weeks on repeat
it still means the world to me
*Chorus*
And you still mean the world to me
Yes, I was on the one to leave you
But now I am the one to grieve you
This isn't the way it happened in my mind
You can leave an empty bed
But can't escape the words unsaid
Haunted hallways always on my mind
'Cause you're not mine
You are cinnamon in my throat
Every time I try to change the subject, I choke
I need a synonym to replace you
But all I can do, all I can do
Is
Find the faith to face the truth and
Maybe I won't have to fake it through
Every disappointing gaze they gave
Pointed me back to you
You are cinnamon in my throat
Every time I try to change the subject, I choke
I need a synonym to replace you
But all I can do, all I can do
Is keep-keep saying
The same-same word
Keep keep saying the same same word
Keep keep saying the same same word
And you still mean the world to me
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3. |
With Me
03:49
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Buzzing like a wire, ungrounded
Floating on my feet, heart poundin’
Woken from the dream, and my hope turns into doubt
I’m in love with the person I wish for you to be
The kind of person I want to want to be
The kind of person I want to be with me
I am not above a charade I won’t parade all of my feelings at once
But I can only pretend the truth will bend
It pleads with me
Talking in my sleep, confounded
Looking for the meaning around it
Woken from the dream and my heart is inside out
If you’re not in love, then won’t you step out of my view?
I am looking for someone to look and reach for me
Used to keep my heart opaque, surrounded
Now I want to be awake, unbounded
Woken from the dream and I’m better off without
I’m deserving of the kind of person I wish for you to be
The kind of person I want to be want to be
The kind of person I want to be
With me, with me, with me
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4. |
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Little things I loved about you that I never shared
Race up toward the surface and they're gasping for air
Thought I saw you yesterday and every day
But you're not there
It is just a handsome stranger with baby blonde hair
I saw you in the casket. Your face, it wasn't right
I couldn't find you in there, couldn't catch your light
I am not religious but in this I do believe,
Some things cannot be destroyed: love and energy
When I met you it was Springtime
We went to that show, had so much fun
I had to buy the beer 'cause you were not quite 21
At the set break, in the kitchen, you pretended to get mad and cursed
You said I stole your thunder
Because I kissed you first
And when I think of you I see with a book, a boyish
Grin, dancing and philosophizing, singing, sipping on some gin
I see you working on translations just like I am doing now
Trying to make sense of all of this, somehow
I saw you in the casket. Your face, it wasn't right
I couldn't find you in there, couldn't catch your light
I am not religious but in this I do believe,
Some things cannot be destroyed: love and energy
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5. |
Guide
05:20
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I have been searching for something I can hold onto
I had a dream that I'd thought I'd keep but off it flew
In the abyss where the things that you miss are right out of view
The sound of the train and the look on your face when I turned to you
When I turned to you
To myself at age 19
You have got a weird disease
One day you will feel much better
But this self you won't forget her
Don't you go away too soon
Be my guide
Don't you be a waning moon
In my sky
Be my guide, be my guide
I have been making a sturdy framework in my head
Built from the bindings of books I keep but have not read
Add to my list with the flick of a wrist and I lie in bed
Words I don't say in the light of the day turn to dreams instead
And I swallow them
And I swallow them
To myself at age 15
One day you, too will smoke weed
Don't you worry 'bout your brother
Be more honest with your mother
Don't you go away too soon
Be my guide
Don't you be a waning moon
In my sky
Be my guide, be my guide
I have a space where I place these versions of myself
Stored at the core of my heart upon a makeshift shelf
Talk to my brain where the past still remains and I'm overwhelmed
But where would I be with just one form of me standing at the helm?
And the course is held
And the course is held
To myself at 9 years old
Keep your imagination bold
You'll be awkward but don't mind it
You have a voice and you will find it
Don't you go away too soon
Be my guide
Don't you be a waning moon
In my sky
Be my guide, be my guide
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6. |
Honesty
03:17
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From afar an observer may infer that we lovers at a bar
We are not, we are just friends
I tell myself again and again and again
Though I almost always almost reach out for your hand
I will never tell you this
Honestly my honesty is selfish
You may have the ears to hear this but your heart has disappeared
Inside the love of another and my odds are way outnumbered
Still I wonder if you've ever wondered
Is it dangerous to ruminate?
It's draining to extrapolate the meaning of gaze
Pull potential from a phrase
The more that is unknown, the more I'm staring anxious at my phone
I wait for you to say, “What's on your mind today?”
I will never tell you this
Honestly my honesty is selfish
You may have the ears to hear this but your heart has disappeared
Inside the love of another and my odds are way outnumbered
Still I wonder if you've ever wondered
And I, and I wait for a secret sign
At my, at my gate where the stars align
And I'll, and I'll skate along a winding line
All the time anticipating
All the days deliberating
While my words are waiting in the wings
Practicing the parts of the songs they want to sing
I will never tell you this
Honestly my honesty is selfish
You may have the ears to hear this but your heart has disappeared
Inside the love of another and my odds are way outnumbered
Still I wonder if you've ever wondered
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7. |
Mirrors/Windows
03:37
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I wake up to the morning light
Of a cellphone screen that’s been plugged in all night
I scroll through the hour’s news
I choose to read what I believe
I’ve been hanging mirrors but I should be
Putting in new windows
I’ve been hanging mirrors but I should be
Putting in new windows
I sit down on the outbound train
Catch your image in the window pane
I don’t talk to you and you don’t talk to me
Silence is part of the cultural currency
But what if we’re thinking the same -
That I should’ve asked for your name?
I’ve been hanging mirrors but I should be
Putting in new windows
I’ve been hanging mirrors but I should be
Putting in new windows
Remember the days when our phones were on hooks?
Texts that we read were found mainly in books?
Then again, look how our vision expands
With the universe perched in the palms of our hands
I’ve been hanging mirrors but I should be
Putting in new windows
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8. |
One Minute Song
01:00
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So you’re wondering why I stopped being with you?
It’s because I gave you my album and you
Never listened to it
You could have pretended or just tuned in for a minute
But you didn’t
And so whatever this is, I don’t want to be in it.
Based on previous behaviors, you will likely never
Hear this track
But if you do perhaps you will regret a few things
Looking back
I know that’s funny and surprising, oh because
It’s been so long
Though you don’t deserve it
Now you have your very own song
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9. |
Shadow
04:04
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You move me tectonically
Shift toward you, mountains ensue
You move me magnetically
Feel a pull, invisible
Try to elucidate whether you reciprocate
If you did what would I do?
Fear is the shadow of my wish for you
Fear is the shadow of my wish for you
You move me illogically
Reason through cacophony
You move me so hauntingly
Do I trust the things I see?
Try to elucidate whether you reciprocate
If you did what would I do?
Fear is the shadow of my wish for you
Fear is the shadow of my wish for you
Maybe I’m leaning in too close, casting shadows
Instead of stepping back so I can see
Try to elucidate whether you reciprocate
If you did what would I do?
Fear is the shadow of my wish for you
Fear is the shadow of my wish for you
Fear is the shadow
Fear is the shadow
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Julia Mark Boston, Massachusetts
As a singer-songwriter and pianist, Julia Mark balances wordplay and wit with the weight of being
human.
Life on the moon, heartbreak on Earth, secret plans, and palindromes…these are a few topics addressed by Julia’s songwriting. Raised on the sounds of bebop greats and folk music legends, her music feature pin-point vocals and clever storytelling.
... more
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